The weird and wonderful world of dating!!!
So I’ll do a light hearted blog now, one that will make you laugh instead of cry!!!
After Pez died, the thought of being with anyone else was something I could never imagine happening. Pez had been part of my life for 14 years, so I could never imagine being with someone new.
Pez was far from perfect, Neither am I. But he was my perfect! I adored him and he adored me!! He was a mad head, always up for a good night out and having a laugh! He was funny and he was a wind up merchant!! He loved a drink and so do I! He had amazing banter, as do I!! We always joked when we first met, that he was a male version of me and I was a female version of him, we just worked and that’s why we were so happy! We used to bicker, a lot!!! But very rarely argued!!
Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t love at first sight when I met him!! I remember the day well, it was in the Newmarket pub, Garforth when I first laid eyes on him!
I was in with my mum and dad, sat on a stool at the bar. Pez was sat in the corner with his mates, he later told me that my vest top was riding up and he could see the tattoo across my back! So he said to his mates ‘check her out, I’m gonna have her!’ So he stayed behind after all his mates left!
I was alone at this point chatting to the owner behind the bar, so Pez came and sat on the stool next to me, the barman introduced Pez to me, kind of rolled his eyes and told Pez to behave!!!
So we started chatting, he asked me what my favourite sandwich was!!! So I laughed and asked him if that was his best chat up line, and he said seriously, ‘I’m not joking, I really want to know what it is!!’ So I replied that it was ham & cheese!!! He told me his, which I can’t remember!! I later came to realise that Pez adored food, after me it was his next favourite thing, he may argue with this and say food was his first love haha!!!
Pez was quite drunk at this point, another thing I realised after just a couple of dates was that he was a pisshead hahaha!! But a very loveable one!!!
He went onto tell me that he was the best cuddler in whitkirk and that everyone loved his cuddles! (This was 100% true, that man could cuddle!!!) I asked him if he had a girlfriend, but he replied ‘no, I had to finish her because she wouldnt take it up the *%#€!! This made me laugh, this was his sense of humour all over, he was a filthy animal but a cute and cheeky one!!!!
So the night ended and we walked home, well I walked, Pez kind of staggered!!! He walked me to the end of my street, he asked me back to his but I refused!!!! We exchanged numbers and we had a cheeky snog!!!
We messaged after that and the rest is history! We fell in love fast, i remember a few weeks later, mum and I were at a Robbie Williams concert in knebworth. Pez called me after the concert, he had been out and was drunk and he told me he loved me!!! He hadn’t met my mum or dad yet, but he went upto my dad in the pub and introduced himself as my boyfriend and asked dad if it was ok for him to go out with me!!! Dad loved this and loved Pez, he was like the son he never had!
I moved in with Pez after just a few months, we knew it was right and didn’t want to waste any time together.
So, fast forward 14 years and I find myself contemplating a future without my husband and soul mate. After about a year I started thinking about dipping my toe into the dating scene, but had no idea where to start.
I knew life had to move forward, I would always love Pez, always miss him and he will always be a part of our lives. But I couldn’t be alone forever, I was only 39, I have a lot of years ahead of me and I couldn’t bear the thought of spending them alone with my boys.
But u couldn’t get away from the fact that I am now a widowed mother, with two young boys. I work 3 days a week, I have a very busy life. So it was always going to be difficult to find the time for anyone else, let alone meet anyone!!
I also felt really, really insecure about myself. Who was ever going to look at me, I had too many complications, who would ever love me like my Pez had?? Also throw in the matter of my amazing two boys, no one will EVER replace their daddy, but any man that I bring into their lives would have to be a pretty amazing one and this frightened me!!!
Being a single parent also makes it super hard to actually meet anyone to date in the first place!! Don’t get me wrong, I get nights out, but these are nights out with friends, not a night when I wanted to go out and meet a man, so I decided to enter the scary world of online dating!!!
You must have all head of the dating websites by now, tinder, POF and many more!!! The basis behind these is that you are basically judging someone on their photo, and a small description they may have given about themselves!! You then either swipe left if you’re not interested, or right if you like them!!! Then if you swipe right and they swipe right also you can then start chatting!!!
These sites are absolutely MENTAL!!!! Have you hear of the programme catfish?? Well there are plenty of those on these sites!! My motto is that if the photo looks too good to be true, then they probably are!! Yes, guys use fake pics to attract the girls! Usually all these guys want are to message you for a cheap thrill and try to sucker u in! I soon got wise to these idiots and played them at their own game!!
But my problem is that I always go for the fitties!! Tall, handsome, muscles, tattoos!!! I figured that if I’m having to do this dating stuff again then I won’t settle for anything less than what I’m looking for!!!
The dating sites make you develop a very thick skin!!! You have to be very sensible and not allow them to play mind games with you, as most of them try to!!
I can honestly say that in my 14 months of being on these sites I have only ever met two guys from them!!! This is how fussy I have become in my old age!!!
I scrutinise their pics, if they stand funny I swipe left, if I don’t like their shoes I swipe left and so on and so forth!!! So in a nutshell, someone as fussy as I am will not settle for anything less that what I want haha!!!
Plus, I’m pretty hard work! Well, I’m not hard work to the right man!! I speak my mind, very much!!! And I’m aware that a lot of people don’t like this!!! I banter a lot, any man for me must be able to banter, and make me laugh!!! I’m a very strong, independent woman and I know this puts some men off, I probably scare half of them to death!!
A few weeks into the site and I actually connected with a very nice guy, whose name I shall not disclose!!! We chatted very easily and I decided to meet him. We connected on the first meet and it went from there really. He was very into me and we probably got into it all a bit too fast. He was the first guy I had dated after Pez and I struggled a little to start with. But I was lucky that he knew all about my situation and was very understanding. He allowed me to talk freely about Pez, held me when I cried about him, so he was very sweet with my situation.
It was so very hard for me in the early days, I compared everything about him to Pez, although I didn’t tell him this! Constantly in my head I found myself thinking Pez wouldn’t have done that, etc. But then I realised that I couldn’t keep comparing! I wasn’t looking for a replacement for Pez, that would be impossible.
Some men find it hard to deal with a widow!! Believe it or not, some men get jealous of the dead husband, as if he is still alive!!! I once chatted to a guy who I quite liked, we chatted for a while and were going to meet, but then he started asking silly questions, like why I still talked about Pez if we he was dead. Why would I still have photos of him in the house?? Then the nail in the coffin was one day when he said ‘well baby Richie never knew his dad, so whichever man that comes into his life will be his dad!!!’ I tried to explain, no, Pez will always be his dad and when Richie is old enough to understand, he will always know this. So safe to say, I kicked this guy to the kerb and got rid of him!!!
I dated the first guy for about 6 months, he was a good man, but looking back now I don’t think I was ready for an ‘actual’ relationship. I thought it was what I wanted, but the way I acted made me realise differently. So In the end I told him I wasn’t happy and didn’t think we should be together, he agreed and we broke up amicably.
Looking back I see him as my ‘stepping stone’, he got me back into the world of dating, made me feel good about myself again and showed me that it is possible for a man to want to be with me, despite my circumstances, so I thank him for this! If you’re reading you know who you are!!! 😂😂
Since splitting up with him, life then became so busy, with moving house etc, so I didn’t really have the time for dating. I’ve dated a couple more guys, but we just haven’t been right for each other, for one reason or another!!! Won’t go into much details as they may be reading this blog!! 🙈🙈🙈
Then one day, a terrible thing happened. I actually got stood up on a date!!! Yes, terrible isn’t it, I GOT STOOD UP!!!
Chatted to the guy for a few days, spoke on the phone and he seemed really lovely!!! So we arranged to meet for a lunch date! I was really nervous, I bloody hate meeting people I don’t know And totally wind myself up about it!!! But I got ready and went to where we were meeting. We had messaged that morning and he still seemed keen!
I got there and text to say I was in the car, he replied to tell me he was stuck in traffic so would be a little late. So I waited in the car for a bit. Then I walked to where we were meeting. I waited about 10 mins and then when I looked at our whatsapp chat, I could tell that he had blocked me on it!!!!
Tried calling him, but he just kept cutting off my call!!! So I waited 20 mins but then left!!!
This sounds silly, but I was really upset by this, I went home and cried!!!! How could anyone be as cruel as to do that to someone? I would never do that, I would at least cancel if there was a reason for not meeting!!! But I soon got over it and put my big girls pants back on!!!
See I’m a pretty sensitive soul, I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve!! I’m a nice girl and will give my all in a relationship and I find it hard to understand why everyone else isn’t the same!!!
Im still on the dating sites, but they are a real joke sometimes! You get guys that like you on there but then never bother to message! Or guys that message you and then just turn really weird on you! So I tend to just delete more messages than I reply to these days!!!!
Plus now, I’m happy!! I’m Sam again and I am content with the way me and my boys lives are at the moment!! So on one hand, it would have to be a bloody amazing guy that I bring into our lives!!!! But I’m also not ‘desperate’ for it now!! Don’t get me wrong, I get lonely, like anyone would and I miss grown up conversation, someone to go for a meal or the cinema with would be lovely. But I won’t be settling for just anyone!!
So the hunt is on for my Mr Right!! So if anyone out there is over 5ft8, likes children, is handsome, I like tattoos, but these aren’t essential!! A sense of humour is a must, I love to laugh!! Keeps himself fit and looks after himself, dresses well, but more importantly can treat me like the princess that I am, then you know where I am!!!
I am actually joking about some of the above points!! I’m not actually that precious! Ultimately my ‘Mr right’ just has to be right for me, I’m sure he is out there somewhere looking for me, and when the time is right Pez will lead him to me, somewhere when I’m least expecting it!!!!!